We, as women, tend to get riled up when a guy doesn’t pay attention to us. Let’s not deny it, ladies.
Here’s a scenario.
You’re talking about your day, how this or that happened at work or something about your mother, you expect a response. Instead of that, you get silence… [insert cricket chirps here] “Were you even listening??!” And here starts the fight. It usually goes something like this:
- Apoplectic Woman Fit
- Self-righteousness from both parties
- “Babe you’re psycho.”
- Apoplectic Woman Fit
- “Calm down!”
- Apoplectic Woman Fit
- Sighing and then “Why are you so upset about this?”
- Sobbing reasoning
- “Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that I was being that way.”
It’s not that he’s not listening; it’s that he doesn’t know it’s important to you. If a man loves you, he doesn’t stop at that self-righteous stage. He makes the effort to make things right. Sure, it takes them a while to get there a lot of the time, but he does care enough to make the effort. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t put himself through those “Apoplectic Woman Fits”. Now, if he doesn’t make that stage of effort, he’s not worth your fit. Move on instead of subjugating yourself to it every time.
All that being said, understand your man and you’ll understand how to deal with them. That scenario shouldn’t happen every night, and if it does, this might be the time to admit that there’s something wrong with your relationship. He’s either not putting effort to correct the situation, or you’re too sensitive. Or maybe, it’s both. TALK ABOUT IT CALMLY. I can’t stress that enough. Calmly. Don’t get emotional when discussing it, at least not till the end of it. Quit the theatrics and try to deduce the problem and make changes to provide a solution.
Personally, I’m very sensitive; I get caught up in the moment of the dramatics. It’s true, and it pains me to admit it. Often, much like my brother says, I need to calm the Hell down. A guy is just as complicated as a woman, despite the fact that they deny it. They hole up their feelings, and they don’t put much effort into caring about much. Society dictates that to be men, they can’t be soft. Unfortunate, but it’s the standard that we Americans stand by. Knowing that, women need to give their men some leeway. Just like us, they have an image to live up to. With us, we need to keep up physical social appearances. With them, they’re held to a mental indifference for social acceptance.
We may say we want an emotionally connected man, but let’s face it; we don’t want a man that cries all the time or throws fits because we don’t compliment them. A man pays us pretty compliments but most of the time we rarely pay them any. We expect it of them but they don’t expect it of us. I’m going against all the women libbers out there. But women and men are different. Simple. They’re not all heartless bastards. They just view the world a lot differently than we do.
A man compliments you if he likes you. Don’t be offended if he calls you sexy instead of beautiful. He’s merely remarking on the fact that your body IS beautiful. Take the little things in as compliments, he says things like “you’re sweet” when you do something nice for him or he puts his arm around you and kisses you on your face in any place other than your mouth. Those are subtle compliments from men. It says you’re exactly what they want.
Ladies, let men have their time to themselves. Don’t be clingy. Encourage him to spend a night out with his friends while you plan your own night out. Doing it the same night, avoids conflict. A healthy couple doesn’t absorb every second of their time with each other; they make an effort to carry out their own lives while carrying out a life together. Think of it as a term paper, take a short break and then get on back to it.
Guys can be dumb, but they’re not psychic either. When they’re not reading our subtle clues on how we feel, we think they don’t know us. That’s not necessarily true. In fact, it’s usually that they’re not that perceptive. They can’t tell that we’re upset because they don’t read minds! Women are typically better at reading and judging emotions. We know when to say “what’s wrong” or “are you sure?” It’s not the guy’s fault. Men only have emotions on one side of their brain. Women have them on both. We’re keener to emotions in general.
The solution, be straightforward. Tell them! “Hey, I not okay with you going out with your friends and getting drunk.” But tell them why! Don’t slight them with just that. Then you look psycho. Explain. “I really need you tonight. I’m not feeling very confident and it would make me feel better if you held me and showed me that I’m beautiful.” Make your man feel better about skipping a night out, throw a compliment in there that makes him feel like you need him because he’s amazing. “Nothing else makes me feel happier than you being with me.” Like us, men want to feel wanted. If he loves you, he’ll make you happy. But DON’T say things like that if it’s not true! Honesty is always the best policy, but most of all, men respond to logic.
Speaking of honesty, let’s look at one more truth. Men like hobbies and they get consumed by it. Whether it be football, video games, or even something like comic books, they like their little distractions from reality. Don’t be mean about it. Let him enjoy his delusions. We can talk to our friends and mothers about our emotions; all they have is their distractions. They like to absorb themselves in something that makes them happy. So, let them be happy. Encourage them in their happiness. Show your man you love them. They’re just as self-conscience as you are. You miss them and wish you would get more attention? Try joining him once in a while. Make him some snacks when he’s watching his games. Get them a display case for their collection. Show that YOU care. They want you to accept them and love them as they are. You wouldn’t want any different for yourself.
Respect your man and respect yourself. STOP BEING SELF-RIGHTEOUS. We’re different. We were made differently for a reason. A man and a woman can only complete each other when they understand each other. So make the effort to. Be calm and try to see the reasoning behind it all. Don’t jump to conclusions.
Men, take a moment to try to understand your lady. She wants compassion. It doesn’t take much effort to give it to her. I promise, your guy friends will probably never hear about it. And if they do? Make sure their women hear about it too. It’ll make you look like the rockstar.